A walk through the storms


Much too often I find myself walking into storms that I could have avoided. Why do I stray from my path more than I feel I should?  Maybe it's that I get distracted too easily; or I just get selfish and want things my way without even looking into what may lie ahead.

I sometimes frustrate myself  because I know the calling on my life, but some part of me still ignores it.  Some of my gifts I have not learned to use to their full potential.  When using some of them I take it personal, and at heart feeling all the pain that doesn't belong to me.  Being a messenger isn't easy, especially when the calling comes from something much more powerful than ones self.

I have began to realize that some of my dreams in the past were a warning for the future, possibly years ahead.  One in particular was walking through a large field with multiple tornadoes all over.  Standing at a vantage point, I watched as they danced around the open field. Some crossed paths, some merging with one another to create a larger one.
That part reminds me of my ex, we were both a mess when we met and fell in 'love'.  I think for me it was something different, someone new and younger with a different outlook on life. The longer we stayed together, the more storms I had to walk through, around, above and under.  It came from all sides when we were together.  Times I wanted to go meet up and either my car would break down, battery be dead, flat tire.  It was always something; even now after being separated for a few months there has been times when I tried to pick him up and something would go wrong.  The universe was telling me that it's not what I needed.
For the longest time, I thought the storms were from those around us; come to find out they were coming from within us. Master creator of a mess, quick to pass on the blame, and never saw any mistakes in his character and life.

The moment I started to change the way I was living; started up my meditation and devotional time, and started to focus more on me and what I need, I found the relationship took a drastic change and we started to drift apart very quickly. 
I feel that a partner should add to your life and not take away from it. I want someone who wants me and doesn't "need" me for everything in life.
My journey continues minute by minute, day by day.  No matter what life throws at me, I'm blessed i get to see another one come to me.

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